The second and third week has been a massive resistance to the old ways. And it has been driving me crazy. Things I could easily express before, seems to not form itself and stands before me defiantly. Wait. That's all it says. wait. I read and read, I research and research. I take it all in and when I come to thinking about it all, it stands blank. When I ask my brain to get cracking And it echoes, wait. And trying to put all that feeling into words is like fitting an iceberg into a glass for a nice cold drink. This world has wonderfully taught us to summarize. Know things before we have barely cracked the surface. Make us deeply connect to things without our consent, rushing us to pick a side, sound clever, articulate. And we keep doing it, over and over without stopping to think... am I even interested in dissecting this piece of information? And if the answer is yes, which part of me wants to dissect it in order to get closer to being with the truth? And now, after all the time taken, I am here,  connecting with Osho's teachings from the place that will align with the version of the source that I am. 

2 threads that I held on to while studying Osho's teachings were 'Home' and 'Paradox'. Using different words and ideas, all of his material seemed to keep pointing out to these 2 key elements that humanity seems to be baffled with. I sit in a home, sipping coffee, chatting with my family and in a second the same family fills me with fury, the same home feels suffocating and the coffee feels like a prison I must intake over and over. Then next day, the same three things feel like comfort again. And without question I accept the big walking talking paradox I am. I run and chase so many experiences and all of them seem to show me the same ping pong. I seemed to feel the depth of my own paradox while I studied Osho's life. And the more I studied it, the more I felt at home. The more I felt at home, I did not ping pong with his contradicting viewpoints. I stopped picking a side. I did not accept his words because he is Osho and someone I want to impress says he is cool. I did not doubt every word he said because someone I trust said he is a hoax. Either way he spoke, there was a strange kind of consistency in his presence. His works showed me the ridiculousness of language- something that silently builds a stronger barrier by making us believe it is tearing one down. In those little moments of lightness, I experienced true home.

It may not be about the 'what' at all. It could be about the 'why'. Why am I studying Osho's teachings or any spiritual teachings may be about experiencing true home over and over till that is all there is. Like Osho puts it- "It is always now."